"Some people mistake tolerance for acceptance" proclaimed a radio minister the other day.  This got me to thinking -- reviewing my life, both when living as Larry in a male identity from 1938 til 1963; and then living as Paula from May 1,1963 to the present.  Throughout my life experiences I definitely have experienced both friendly tolerance AND acceptance -- I know the difference.  I have also endured unfriendly intolerance. How have I overcome the pain that inevitably comes from being "different"?  Two things have gotten me through over the years --

 

(1)  MY SENSE OF HUMOR.  Darcelle XV always closes the show at the world-renowned nightclub in Portland, Oregon with the phrase: "When we learn to laugh at ourselves we can laugh at everybody else."  Truly words of wisdom.  Yet, when somebody else laughs AT us (and not WITH us), it is painful.  Nonetheless we can turn that around into a fun thing when we laugh at ourselves.

 

 Joan Rivers once told a guest on her national TV show: "No one can smear you if you have already told the story yourself."   When giving Jamie Buckingham instructions for writing her biography, the late Kathryn Kuhlman said: "Tell it all, Jamie, the bad right along with the good."  (That is precisely what I want my autobiography to do -- tell my flaws as well as my faith.  The Bible doesn't whitewash the patriachs of faith in both the Old and New Testaments -- neither should contemporary persons of faith cover up their sins and mistakes).   Upfront honesty is of paramount importance.   We are all sinners, saved by the grace of God.  And we can lighten our load when we add humor to it. 

 

Lorna Dee McPherson, daughter-in-law of Aimee Semple McPherson, preached a sermon.  Later, Sister McPherson said: "It [the sermon] was fine Lorna Dee, only it didn't have any humor in it". God does have a sense lf humor, and so should we.  Learning to "laugh at ourselves" is deeply therapeutic, releasing the tension of stigma.

 

We cannot expect others to accept us when we don't accept ourselves.

 

(2)  GOD'S PROTECTION.  Without it I would not be alive today.  In turning back the pages of my life I can cite time after time after time when God came through for me.  I love to preach about angelic protection that is assured the one who puts his or her faith in God.   In writing my autobiography I will be citing many incidents and experiences where God's protection was a living reality in my life.  And, praise God, it still is. 

 

Throughout my growing up years in grade and high school, as a boy, I was either treated with intolerance, OR tolerated in a friendly way.  I did not experience acceptance until I started living as Paula when folk didn't know I was a Trans person.  Back then I was searching desperately to find acceptance and my place in life. 

 

Intolerance means that you have no use for anyone who does not believe the exact way you do.  Intolerance is still alive and well in some evangelical circles.  Intolerance has no place whatsoever in any kind of a ministry that calls itself Christian.  Followers of Christ, the One who commands us to love everyone, should not tolerate any kind of intolerance.  Intolerance simply has no place in the Christian arena. 

 

Tolerance means that you love someone even if their views clash with your own.  Someone once said:  "When two people agree on everything, there is no need for one of them."  And, believe it or not, I learned tolerance from a right wing ultra-conservative TV preacher who, from time to time, makes homophobic remarks.  To his credit, the main focus of his preaching is not centered around homosexuality even though he is against it.  Setting aside human sexuality issues, however, I love everything ELSE he preaches.  And so I can tolerate the things he says with which I disagree and thereby enjoy the spiritual blessings from everyting ELSE he says.  Don't let yourself be robbed of the blessing from somone's ministry just because you don't agree with everything he or she says.

 

Acceptance means that someone acccepts you totally and completely -- and loves you unconditionally, whether you agree or disagree on any one particular point. Someone who loves and accepts you in the exact same way that Jesus does.

 

Some mainline churches do not accept Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Trans (GLBT) Christians.  Others do.  And still others take a "middle of the road" approach on the subject, meaning that while they don't shun the GLBT person, and may be tolerant in a friendly way, they still disapprove of what they call "alternative lifestyles."

I have experienced them all -- i.e., the intolerant, tolerant, and accepting churches. 

 

And I hope and pray that because of the efforts of this ministry, and others like it, that future generations of GLBT Christians will find the same acceptance in ALL churches as do hetereosexual Christians.  We are slowly moving in that direction even though we still have a long way to go.  I can look back to the early days of my life and compare them with the present and see where Christians have come a long way in obedience to Christ's command to love and accept all people. 

 

One last thought -- tolerance is not a bad thing.  It is far superior to the ugliness of prejudice, bigotry, and intolerance.  Acceptance, however, is the Biblical way to go. 

 

And always remember, there's someone who loves you, Who is with you whenever you pray.  That person is Jesus Christ, seated at the right hand of God, ever living to make intercession for us, the One who understands and cares.  Know that!

 

                                                            SISTER PAULA NIELSEN