On May 1, 1963, I changed my identity from Larry Nielsen to Paula Nielsen.  The only thing I changed was my first name -- I maintained my last name as given on my birth certificate.  From that moment until now, all of my identification is under the name Paula.  I changed my first name simply because that is WHO I am -- (fact, not opinion).  Calling me "Larry" and referring to me as "he" is not acceptable.  Whenever a fundamentalist wants to make the point that they do not perceive me the way I want to be identified, they address me in the male vernacular.  Consequently, any other point they wish to make is not even heard or received -- and I waste no time in sternly correcting them.  (This has been done by ministers who should know better!). 

 

Shortly after my 30th high school reunion in 1986, a male classmate wrote me a letter as follows:

 

    "We have the same God...but live in different cultures. You...grew up somewhat confused about your assumed traditional role in society versus your overwhelming need to be someone else...I believe that this is an innate compulsion that no amount of...counseling could have overcome.  It was simply you.  You needed to find out how to become yourself in spite of the rules of society...You...clearly know who you are and have the confidence and self-respect of one who has come to terms with the world."

 

Gender "confusion" is brought about by people being told that because of their genital structure, they must dress a certain way, engage in certain activities, and act a certain way.  When their innate desires go contrary to what they are told that people of their particular gender do and/or do not do, etc., "confusion" arises -- particularly when one is young.  Many, because of conformance to family and societal expectations, become  unhappy and miserable people. They sometimes marry, have children, which can cause unhappiness for others.  There are other courageous individuals who refuse to "conform", insisting on being exactly who they are, regardless of whether or not they enjoy "acceptance" from those around them.

 

On the other hand, if society learned to tolerate and accept ambiguity -- THERE WOULD BE NO 'TRANSSEXUALS."  If men could wear dresses, as women can wear trousers, THERE WOULD BE NO TRANSVESTISM.  The "Trans" syndrome is created by society.*

 

A former neighbor, who attends a pentecostal church, said to me:  "If you walked into that church with your hair cut, no make up, wearing all male attire, the people in that church would be delighted; they would praise God for your deliverance, and accept you."  Outward appearance, and attire, do not determine who the true inner person is -- never has, and never will.  Folk in evangelical circles can accept me as PAULA, who I am, nor not at all.  The good news is that, as "knowledge increases", many in these churches DO understand, and are becoming accepting of ALL people.  

 

I am often asked how I cope with ridicule, harrassment, and people's rude, stupid, and ignorant remarks in public.  Most of the time I ignore it -- literally just tune out people around me.  Sometimes when I am in public with a friend, they will say: "Did you see the way those people are looking at you?"  Ninety percent of the time I wasn't even aware that "those people" exist.  Frankly, I don't appreciate it when someone calls that to my attention, even if they don't mean any harm by it.  A part of the Cross that I have to bear in life is the fact that some people (claiming to be my friends) are uncomfortable going places with me.  Consequently, a good deal of the time, I prefer to be a "loner."  When Daniel, my producer, said to me:  "I am PROUD to be seen with you," I knew I had found the right person to produce my television/podcast ministries and a film documentary on my life. 

 

Aside from my ability to "tune out" people around me in public, being Paula even when it is contrary to who some people think I should be -- there is a dynamic secret of inner strength and power that gets me through life's struggle and heartaches -- THAT SECRET IS THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.  And the power of the Holy Spirit in my life is something that no one can take away from me -- it is a Gift from God.  Hallelujah!

 

The Holy Spirit was present at the time of the creation when God spoke the worlds into existence.  Just a few examples from the Old Testament are: 

 

Pharoah recognized the Holy Spirit in Joseph.  The secret of the success of Gideon's life is centered in the fact that "The Holy Spirit came upon him."  And Sampson, that mighty man of God who slew his enemies with the jawbone of a donkey, possessed that power because "The Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon him."  David, that monarch of Jewish history, dared to face a giant because he knew the power of the Holy Spirit.  The saddest cry in the Bible came when David prayed: "Take not thy Holy Spirit from me."

 

And, more than anyone else, Jesus knew the power of the Holy Spirit.  Before Jesus came to this planet and took on a cloak of flesh, He offered Himself THROUGH THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT to God.  Jesus knew that if the Holy Spirit would dwell within Him and manifest the power of the Trinity in His life, He could not fail.

 

When Jesus was baptized in the Jordan River, the Holy Spirit descended upon Him.  He was baptized with the Holy Spirit.  Jesus said:  "The word that I speak unto you, I speak not of myself, but the One that dwelleth in me does the works. 

 

And the greatest Gift that Jesus promised, after His resurrection and ascension, is the power of the Holy Spirit.  During the Old Testament dispensation we read only of this power descending upon particular chosen individuals -- NOW THIS POWER IS AVAILABLE TO ALL. 

 

Did Jesus manifest His Deity when he worked miracles?  Or were those miracles the result of the enduement of power He received at the River Jordan?  JESUS, WHEN ON EARTH, MINISTERED AS A PERSON FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT.  In the early years of Jesus' ministry no miracles are recorded.  Miracles did not begin to happen UNTIL that experience at the Jordan River when the Holy Spirit descended upon Him in for form of a dove.  JESUS HEALED THE SICK ONLY AS A HUMAN BEING FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT.  And he gave you and me the greatest inheritance we could ever possess -- THE SAME POWER THROUGH WHICH HE WORKED MIRACLES.  "The works that I do," he proclaimed, "we can do also."

 

In 1954 when God baptized me with the Holy Ghost, I was given the gift of dynamic spiritual power, Divine protection, enabling me  to BE PAULA -- BEING ME. 

 

How I thrill at the exploits of faith of Old Testament patriarchs as recorded in Hebrews 11.  Great accomplishments of people endued with the power of the Holy Spirit.  And then, you and are are included as Hebrews 12:1,2 declares:

 

    "Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.  Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross. despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

 

WHOEVER you are, Jesus is always right there for you.  Know that!

 

copyright 2006  SISTER PAULA NIELSEN, PO BOX 2206, PORTLAND, OR 97208

 

* - Virginia Ramey Mollenkott, OMNIGENDER, A TRANS-RELIGIOUS APPROACH, (Cleveland, The Pilgrim Press, 2001), page 56