Following is an email I received yesterday, its' author, of course, being kept strictly confidential:

 

"Hi Paula.  I've listened [to] most of your preachings.  I've been a Christian for almost nine years, and since [then] I feel different.  When I was a kid I used [to] put [on] my sister's clothes and when I was a teenager I used to do it.  But when I became a Christian everything changed.  I just read what the Bible said about wearing opposite sex clothes and everything else, so I cut off my hair and tried to change my life.  I got married and I'm serving on my church as worship leader but I still feel those emotions inside.  I don't know what to do. Always people, since I was a kid, treated me different. even now at this moment in my life (because I think I look normal).  People in my job ask me if I'm Gay because [of] my androgynous look.  Please what's wrong?"

 

In response to the question, "Please, what's wrong?"  -- my answer is -- Nothing!  There is nothing wrong with you.  God loves you and accepts you for who you are and no pastor, church, or person, can ever take that away from you!

 

This email made me turn back the pages of my own life.  When I was around 12 years of age (at the time frame when I found Christ as my personal Saviour) - I loved to put on my (departed) Aunt Margie's high heels and wear then around the house.  In back of our house, we had a chicken coop and pen, and I would stand there throwing chicken feed kernels to the chickens, while wearing those high heels.  This was a couple of years before television came to Portland -- radio shows were still the big thing.  With Aunt Margie's high heels, and a blanket wrapped around me, I would fantasize that I had a radio program called "The Mary Nielsen Show" and reenact it in the living room. 

 

Throughout my growing up years -- from kindegarten to high school -- I was called a "sissy".

 

As a teenager, when alone in the house, I would put on my mother's clothes -- along with rouge and lipstick and earrings.  My mother came home one day when I was doing this, and she was not amused.

 

In 1963 I changed my identity from Larry to Paula, and I commenced living full time as Paula, relocating to San Francisco from Oakland, California.  I landed my first job as Paula as a Dictaphone Secretary in the Claims Department of an insurance company, and started attending church (as Paula) at Glad Tidings Assembly of God in San Francisco, singing in the church choir. 

 

THE ONLY TIME IN MY LIFE THAT I FELT TOTALLY ACCEPTED WAS WHEN PEOPLE ONLY KNEW ME AS PAULA, AND HAD NO IDEA THAT I HAD EVER BEEN ANYONE ELSE. 

 

Now, of course, I am totally "out" with my transsexuality, preaching on local television, and podcasts, as a Trans Evangelist.  Sometimes I am ridiculed in public -- YET THE RIDICULE HAPPENED MUCH MORE OFTEN - AND WAS WORSE -- BACK WHEN I LIVED AS LARRY.  Many of my feminine physical mannerisms, and natural effeminate actions, were blatantly obvious. 

 

Over the past 4 years I have attended two Full Gospel churches. (I still live fulltime as Paula).  I was at these churches because I wanted to worship in a charismatic atmosphere.  Being retired, I did not want to be active in these churches, like I was for about 50 years of my life.  The leadership of one of these churches even acknowledged that I wasn't trying to push any "agenda" on anyone.  In both of these churches, I was called into the Pastor's office.  I never once asked them for "counseling".  They pushed THEIR "agenda" on me anyway.  One church flatly told me that when I was ready to be "restored" (?!), to let them know.  Unless I was willing to go back to being Larry, I could no longer attend that church. 

 

At the other church I attended following that painful episode;, I was there for over three years.  While the first Pastor, who was very compassionate, wanted me to change, he did say I could just worship there as a retired person. I agreed to talk to him again in the future.  Last Spring, however, he resigned the pastorate, and another Pastor came in.  The new pastor wanted me to come in and talk to him, and I agreed.  However, 3 months went by and neither he or his secretary called.  Then they brought in an Assistant Pastor, and the Senior Pastor "dumped" me on him -- and after worshipping there for over three years, I was suddenly pressured to go in and talk to the Assistant  In an email, he said: "If things continue as they are, we are heading into difficult times."  I refused to see him.  Without going into more detail at this writing, I could see the "handwriting on the wall" -- leading up to the same outcome as the other church, mentioned hereinabove.  So, I emailed them and said I would no longer "attend there regularly."  This helped alleviate the pain of rejection I endured at the other church when they threw me out, while at the same time enabled me to occasionally attend in the future.  And now, the Holy Spirit has led me to other places, and continues to bless my evangelistic endeavors.

 

And, in both churches, there were many loving folk who welcomed me there, who were very kind and loving.  Yet, there were others who complained to the pastors about my being allowed to attend there -- simply because of my transsexuality.

 

The TV viewer's email quoted hereinabove reminded me of something I told the pastors of both of the above churches -- I said: "I could cut my hair, stop wearing makeup, wear all male attire, YET I WOULD BE THE SAME PERSON you are looking at right now".  I am who I am, and what clothing I choose to wear will never change that. The fact is:  I am more comfortable in the identity of Paula, BEING ME.

 

 

"I'm always amazed at Divine timing.  I just had lunch this afternoon with someone who said, 'When Jesus said, "Unless you become like a little child, you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven," he meant, "Unless you become androgynous, like a child before they identify themselves so rigidly by gender, you can't really understand what the kingdom of God is really all about.'  I thought that this was an excellent observation and is very appropriate for what this person says."

 

This application of scripture does not in any way contradict the traditional interpretation of having a "simple child-like faith" -- rather, it expands it. 

 

Then, in his email to me, Denis recomends a book, authored by renowned writer Virginia Mollenkott.  He said:

 

"I think you can recommend 'Omnigender: A Trans-Religious Approach' without any reservation.  It is informative on every level, including spiritually.  Chapter four is called 'Judaism and Christianity in Creation, Cross-dressing, and Sexuality.'  Chapter five is 'Omnigender Confronts Scripture and Church History.' Chapter six is 'Precedents for Increased Gender Fluidity.'  There is a lot of biology, psychology, sociology and theology in this book, as well as history and imagining a new paradigm beyond the binary gender construct....you are welcome to use any of the above or quote me in whatever you say to this person.  You might also pass along the info on the upcoming transgender conference in Corvallis [Oregon].  That might be a transforming event for someone in this position."

 

 

And always remember, there's someone who loves you, who is with you whenever you pray.  Jesus hears and answers prayer -- He is touched with the feeling of our infirmities -- He understands and cares -- KNOW THAT!

 

copyright - 2006                                          SISTER PAULA NIELSEN

                                                                         PO Box 2206

                                                                         Portland, OR 97208