Lanta Mae was my stepmother.  She married my dad in 1949, and passed on in 1990.  She met my dad at a little downtown cafe called THE SIP 'N BITE, on SW 4th, next door to the Circle Theatre.  Today, both places have been torn down and replaced with other things.  She rented a room from a waitress at THE SIP 'N BITE, whom everyone called "Mom", her house being near Benson High School.  And, Lanta Mae worked for an upperclass family as a housekeeper. 

 

During this time my dad and I were living with my grandmother (also his mother) fondly nicknamed Fussbudget.  I was 11 years old at the time.  I thought how nice it would be to live by myself and not have to "mind" anybody.  Well, during that time Fussbudget, who was in poor health, was in the hospital.  My dad worked nights as a longshoreman.  So, I was by myself in the house and would cry myself to sleep out of loneliness.  Being alone wasn't as great as I thought it would be.  My dad and I were still close at this time.  In years to come, we grew further and further apart; and you will be able to read all about it when my autobiography is published. 

 

Eventually, Lanta Mae, and her son (then a baby) named Kenny Wayne, moved in with us.  I recall Lanta Mae saying to me:  "Are you glad you are not alone?"  During the period of the 6th, 7th & 8th grades, and most of my high school years, I lived with my dad and Lanta Mae.  During this time, Lanta Mae had a child with my dad named Linda Carol.  Fussbudget -- for reasons that I do not recall -- was against them having a child.  Nonetheless, when Linda Carol was born, Fussbudget just loved her.  "Oh, I never dreamed I would love this baby so much," Fussbudget would exclaim. 

 

The years, described above, were turbulent.  We had many quarrels.  In this missive, I choose to remember the good, and forget the bad.  

 

Lanta Mae, while not the best housekeeper in the world (this aggravated Fussbudget), was a wonderful cook.  Born in Oklahoma, and raised in Arkansas, Lanta Mae made the best fried chicken in the Universe (in my opinion).  She often talked about how they ate in the hills of Arkansas.  In Lanta Mae's growing up days, the ideal breakfast was fried squirrel (or possum?) with gravy over biscuits.  No, she didn't cook this for us when married to my dad.  Another thing in which Lanta Mae excelled was home-made baked macaroni and cheese.  On my television program, I have shared my short-lived career in fasting when attending Bethesda Bible Institute (summer of 1955, in between my junior and senior years of high school).  The one day of fasting came to an abrupt halt when I came home in the evening, after church, and there on the stove sat a casserole of Lanta Mae's freshly made macaroni and cheese, along with some jello.  I dived into that delightful cornucopia of comfort food like it was going out of style.  I decided that fasting was just not for me, even though I made a couple more feeble attempts at it.  Another thing that Lanta Mae excelled in was home made apple pie, which she taught me to make. 

 

Lanta Mae attended Rockwood Baptist Church, and became one of this church's first members.  Later, she transferred over to Lynch Baptist church.  She often told me about the brush arbor campmeetings in Arkansas from her growing up years.  It was from her that I first heard the term "holy rollers".  Apparently in the hills of the South there were fanatical groups who handled snakes.  Also, I first heard the teachings of the Second Coming of Christ, from Lanta Mae -- how the Lord would come back when no one expected it, like a "thief in the night." 

 

After graduating from high school, and getting my first job in the workaday world, I moved out on my own.  My high school years with my dad were turbulent.  We grew further apart.  I won't go into detail on this here.  I mention it only to explain why -- after going out on my own -- that I rarely visited my dad and Lanta Mae.  My dad probably didn't care -- one day, however, Lanta Mae did come over to where I was living to see how I was doing. 

 

In later years, upon returning to Oregon from California -- living then in the identity of Paula, I never visited them then either.  My dad would not accept me as Paula and chose to pretend like I didn't even exist.  In 1973, when visiting an old grade and high school classmate, Frank, who had known Lanta Mae in our childhood -- Frank called Lanta Mae on the phone and I listened in on a phone extension.  In their conversation, not once did Lanta Mae say anything negative about me.  "We haven't seen Larry since 1960," she said.  "He came out to visit us and brought along a couple of girls."  The girls Lanta Mae made reference to was a lesbian couple who lived in the same apartment building as I.  I was angry at the girls because they wouldn't stay and eat some of Lanta Mae's macaroni and cheese because they were anxious to get home.  We argued about that on the way back into Portland (by this time, my dad and Lanta Mae had bought a home in the country, in Boring, Oregon).  I recall one of the girls saying, "If I knew it was going to upset you this much,I would have stayed and ate the whole bowl of macaroni and cheese."  Lanta Mae was right -- that was the last time I ever saw her or my father. 

 

In trying to prod her into commenting about my identity as Paula -- Frank told Lanta Mae about the time in the early 60's, when he was in the military, that he stopped by to visit me in Oakland, California.  At that time I was still living in the identity of Larry, but had let my hair grow long and had a permanent, tinted my hair red, and at a time that men were still sporting short hair and crewcuts, it definitely stood out.  Frank told Lanta Mae about that briefly, and said: "I didn't like what I saw."  Lanta Mae replied:  "Well, if you didn't like what you saw THEN...." and then her voice trailed off and she started talking about something else. 

 

Upon Lanta Mae's passing, my Aunt Ann said about me becoming Paula. "She wouldn't have cared -- it was your dad who didn't approve."  Lanta Mae never did meet me as Paula.  In hindsight, I kind of wish now I would have looked her up when returning to California regardless of my dad's prejudicial attitude.  In her telephone conversation with Frank she said that she was  "smiling on the outside and hurting on the inside." 

 

In my TV special, "Do Animals Have Souls", I made mention of what Lanta Mae's son, Kenny Wayne, said after his mother's passing.  "She is up there in heaven right now, smiling, reunited with all of her pets."  And I believe every word of it. 

 

Always remember, there's someone who loves you, who is with you whenever you pray.  That One is Jesus Christ, seated at the right hand of God, ever living to make intercession for us.  The One who is touched with the feeling of our infirmities, the One who understands and cares.  Know that! 

 

                                                     SISTER PAULA NIELSEN

 

                                                PO Box 2206, Portland, OR 97208     

 

Copyright 2006 Paula Nielsen